Monday, July 1, 2013

To the parents we never met of the children we never knew

There are so many of you. We found your blog online, or someone sent us a link to your CaringBridge page, maybe you found our blog and sent us an email, maybe our kids met your kids at Camp Circle of Friends. Your child was sick, likely with cancer, especially a brain tumour or something similar. We've never met in person, but possibly we've talked on the phone or maybe exchanged emails. We've been part of the unwilling fellowship of "parents of sick kids."

And now your own dear child has died. Maybe it was a short journey, only weeks or months since their diagnosis, or maybe it was years. But now they're gone, and we don't know what to say.

We wish we could tell you that we understand how you feel right now, but we can't honestly say that. Each person is different, each family is different, each circumstance is different. The pain and grief that you go through isn't the same as what we have gone through. To say "we know how you feel" seems naive at best, and trite or cliche at worst.

So what can we say? Only that we feel sorrow at your loss and the pain you are feeling now, and we hope and pray that you and your family are able to find solace and healing over the coming months and years.

P.S. One thing that has been helpful for us this past year has been the Compassionate Friends support group of parents who have lost children. It's been helpful to share the story of our loss and our grief, to hear other parents' stories in return, and to celebrate the lives of our lost children.